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If loving you's a felony now, then I'm a renegade.

 Today my girlfriend made a ridiculous suggestion.  Quit Write Edge, and she'll give me a bit of stipend every month to make up the difference. All to alleviate my burdens.  I love her, I love her so much. But I've been so independent (out of necessity and hard times) in the last few years that it's become my identity. Zaf is zaf because she can keep her shit together. She can handle things. And anyway that would mean we earn a lot less between the two of us. I'd rather have the safety net. Even though the kids drive me insane.  Still. I felt loved and seen and cared for when she made that gesture.  I've grown dependent. My guy friends will say this is unhealthy. My girl friends will say.... well, probably say, go hug your girlfriend, silly goose. Though that may well just be me telling myself that.  I admitted to her (and to myself) for the first time that I needed her. It was difficult. I called her at 4am saying I couldn't sleep, that I missed her. She c...
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Well, I'm here.

 Doing the thing I do best: procrastinate, process my less important thoughts by blogging instead of doing the things I actually have to.  There's this essay by Foucault about sexual repression that I'm supposed to close read but close reading normal texts is already so hard..... we're out here asked to do it with theory.... I think I've already given up.  I don't exactly owe this blog an update about my life because - it's me, only I read this, I know what's going on. What I do owe myself is an appraisal of the years past. What I think now about everything I've went through, something a bit more meaningful, more insightful.  So, I'll start there.  I've had intrusive thoughts since I can remember. Since my mom started comparing me to how * neat * or * well-behaved * my cousins were or whatever. Joke's on you, mom. I'm the only one out of all of them who got it into a local university, became a research scholar and peer coach there, and is...
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Just making my rounds again. I'm turning 25 in a couple months. Ended an awesome stint at the top ad agency DDB 2 weeks ago. I never thought I'd one day be writing for McDonald's. But it happened. and I'm glad it did. They couldn't extend me due to budget constraints, and I know that. But somehow that makes me feel like I'm not good enough. My former boss has been a total champ helping me find another internship. And I've scoured the internet for opportunities, with some luck - but Fi says I'll just be wasting my time at the places that called me back. NTU offered me a place and I took it up without a second thought. I hope I'm not making a mistake. Friends and acquaintances are happy for me. Even my counselor said it's a good thing. But... damn, I don't want to end up a teacher, you know? On the other hand, it's NTU. One does not simply turn down NTU. Heck, I spent the last 4 years hating myself because I couldn't get int...
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(=ρнуяєαвυηηιℓℓα - "هو الذي يصوّركم في الأرحام كيف يشاء"=) says: mhm i bought perfume and nw i smell like vanilla LOL [Azzie] says: hahah nice (=ρнуяєαвυηηιℓℓα - "هو الذي يصوّركم في الأرحام كيف يشاء"=) says: i wanna eat myself [Azzie] says: I bought nasi lemak and now I smell like sambal I wanna eat myself too (=ρнуяєαвυηηιℓℓα - "هو الذي يصوّركم في الأرحام كيف يشاء"=) says: LOL. (=ρнуяєαвυηηιℓℓα - "هو الذي يصوّركم في الأرحام كيف يشاء"=) says: woohoo that was blog material [Azzie] says: u do! D: (=ρнуяєαвυηηιℓℓα - "هو الذي يصوّركم في الأرحام كيف يشاء"=) says: tyty i do? [Azzie] says: =.= jahat giler I'm not gonna say anything anymore =.= (=ρнуяєαвυηηιℓℓα - "هو الذي يصوّركم في الأرحام كيف يشاء"=) says: eh nuuuu D= [Azzie] says: *zips mouth* X= (=ρнуяєαвυηηιℓℓα - "هو الذي يصوّركم في الأرحام كيف يشاء"=) says: fine tido ah camnie [Azzie] says: haha its abt time yeah, curly haired dude is loved. XD -zaf
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oh that feeling again.

i totally slept in class on saturday.. it all started with a rough morning which was the result of an equally rough night. note to self, please pay attn when i make a mental note saying teh tarik isn't a before-bed drink -__-'' long story short, my nose made quite a fuss (grrr not enough sleep!!), next thing i knew i was looking at zaffie-the-red-nosed-girl in the mirror... ...aagain. so, might as well make the best of it right? i dabbed a pinch of blusher around my eyes to complete the whole ruldoph/down with a cold look. LOL. hot chocolate tastes waaaaaaaaaaaay better than cofffeeee! and guess what? i can finally be juuuuuust like my snsd noonas with the new LG chocolate! ugh, not that i want to. but the phone rocks anyway so. ;D ;D *dances* *sings* ii got youu baaabe! i call i call it chocolate loove~ noreul woooonhae gajillrae ~ dalkom dalkom oh chocolate loveee ~~~ and why does everyone hate f(x)? )= so anyway, where was i? oh yeah. i freakin' slept in class. =.=...
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sheer blankness.

90TH POST! yip yip~ i am old. and this post was way overdue too. i havent had the motivation to write recently, or anything good to write about for that matter. and guess what? i still don't. .... but i'll just write (type, u mean, zaf.) anyway. so last week the yodas got together again ^^ saw some familiar faces, some new ones, had some laughs. yeah it was all good ^_^ wishing my kpik went as well as the meeting though, i found myself nodding half-consiously throughout the 1st session. but the Cher was lecturing about western theories anyway, which, no matter how hard i tried, i never seemed to understand. yesh. Islamic psychology is waaaay easier to assimilate. *brain glows* haha that was random. moving on, yeah baby, it's been ages since i've had a decent convo with my curly-haired friend here. and trust me i really needed it xD [Azzie] says: lol c'mon hahah they call me boss the other AJK members of kelab seni (=ρнуяєαвυηηιℓℓα - Then which of your Lord's ble...
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consider the following situation.

- *bubble bubble* *stir stir* - oo, i think it's ready now. *turns off gas* - *excited* ITTADAKKIMAAASU~ *licks spoon* - *burns tongue* - *cries* ah tu. tengok lah anime banyak2 lagi. dah ter-influence sangat kan! sampai lupe bace bismillah sume. astaghfirullahal'aziim ape nak jadi ngan budak ni. :$ and yes the above actually did happen. at least only up till the "lick spoon" part. i didnt exactly burn my tongue but looking back on it, maybe i deserve a little scalding. ohoho so i've been MIA recently. and nobody's noticed so who cares. and tons of other things/people have been MIA recently too. like, saf and sma. eh u ppl! where u go ah?? scandal again isit?! LOL times like these i'm reminded of that time at the 7th floor toilet after school. ria + fa in the toilet, + asmaa's priceless reaction = extremely funny misunderstandings. so today i woke up at record-breaking time (7.30 am woohoo) to go to Al-Zuhri for the psycho course i signed up for which ...
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